There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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