No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
