he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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