These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
