Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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