Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
