When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
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