I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
