How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
