I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
