Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
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I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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