I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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