I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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