next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
