Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
