You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
