my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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