We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
