Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
