is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
