CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
