Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
