Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
