i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
