i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
