I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
