What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize