she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
