I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
