I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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