so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
