I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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