We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
