I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
