How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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