If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
