New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
