how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
