Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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