Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
