tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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