i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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