you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
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I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
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We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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