Your tits are I can't wait for
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
