The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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