Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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