Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
