his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The air was thick with penises
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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