yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
