I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
