our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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