Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
