so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
