please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
