Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
