guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
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We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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