you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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