Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
